A man goes into a pet shop, wanting to buy a bird. He sees a beautiful bird, the loveliest he’s ever seen, and asks how much it is. The shop owner replies, “That bird is $1000.”
“What?!” cries the man, “$1000 for a bird? What does it do?”
“Well, I’m glad you asked,” says the shop owner. “You see, that bird can sing every female role in our opera house from memory.”
The man thinks, OK but I can’t afford the bird. He sees a shorter, but still beautiful, bird and asks how much that one is.

“That bird is $2000,” replies the shop owner, and the man asks what this bird can do. “Well, he can play any Paganini concerto that you request on the violin from memory.” The man thinks wow, but I really can’t afford that bird.

He then sees an ancient, hunched, half-dead, ugly, bald bird sitting in the corner of a cage, and, thinks that this bird couldn’t cost very much. He asks the shop owner. “Oh, that bird is $20000,” he replies. Shocked, the man asks what this bird does. “Oh, we haven’t found out yet,” the owner replies. “But the other two call him Maestro.



It’s a hot summer day and Jake and Harry are working hard in the garden. Their friend Ralph is sitting under a tree and drinks a cold drink. Jake asks Harry, “Why are we here in the hot sun when Ralph is sitting there?” Harry says, “I don’t know, I will go ask him.”
Harry goes to Ralph and asks him, “Why are you sitting here and drinking a cold drink and Jake and I are working in the hot sun?”
Ralph says, “Because I have smarts.”
“What is smarts?” asks Harry. Ralph puts his hand in front of the tree and says, “Hit my hand very hard.” Harry tries to hit Ralph’s hand but Ralph moves his hand and Harry hits the tree. He feels great pain.
Ralph says, “I moved my hand away. I showed you that I have smarts.” Harry goes back to Jake and Jake asks him, “What did he say?”
Ralph says, “It’s because he has smarts.“
“What’s that?” Jake asks. Harry puts his hand in front of his face and says, “Hit my hand!”


An old fisherman was fishing in the lake one day when he saw a water snake moving across the water with a frog in its mouth. He had been a fisherman for a long time. He knew the best food for some large fish were frogs. With this thought, the fisherman grabbed the snake from behind and carefully removed the frog from its mouth. He put the frog in his side bag. The fisherman feared the angry snake would bite him, so he grabbed his bottle of homemade whisky from his pocket and carefully poured 2 drops into the snake’s mouth. The snake’s eyes shone for just a moment and then it moved away slowly.
A few hours later, the fisherman was about to head home, when he felt something touching his leg. He looked down and was amazed to see the same water snake with 2 frogs in its mouth.

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